Today I smile.

Today I smile, and I haven't smiled in a while.
And all because I got a call from my one and only Carlisle.

OK, enough with the rhyming. I was a little upset yesterday because I didn't have someone to share Christmas with, and even more upset because I knew there were others out there that didn't even have their family near them to share Christmas with. As I looked at the Christmas tree that was decorated with the ornaments that me and my ex has saved up and bought for our first Christmas tree together, I started remember how that was the best Christmas I had ever had. There was one thing that stood out the most to me though, two clear crystal angle ornaments that hung next to each other. I was surprised to see them on the tree since they have such a significant meaning. They represent two people that loved each other unconditionally. Two items that were inseparable. They represented me and my ex. I decided to take them with me so that I could have them forever and keep the items together. On the way home, I put them on top of my coat so that they wouldn't roll around and break. When I got home, I opened the door to the car and one of the balls feel out and broke. I was upset for the rest of the night. I sent a message to my ex last night to let them know what had happened. Those angels really meant a lot to me. This morning, when I go to work, I got a call from him. I was so excited to hear his voice. A smile immediately graced my face. We talked on the phone for about 20 minute and I can say I have never been so happy to hear the voice of another individual my entire life. So I'm happy that I can finally have something to smile about again. Today, I smile.

Love you always

Smile.

Never the wrong time for the right person.

People come in your lives for a reason. Someone asked me if it was too soon to start a new relationship. At first I wanted to say hell yeah. If you just got out of one then you should take some time out for yourself. After sitting down and thinking about it, I realized that it is never the wrong time for the right person. We meet people and they may not be for us. If we happen to run into that great person that we love to spend time with, treat you like you deserve to be treated, knows how to put it down in the bedroom, have their shit together, and capture your heart, why the hell not. Hopefully you just realize that the previous person was not whom you were supposed to be with. "It's obvious, you were never good for them, and they were never good for you" So embrace that and enjoy your new found friend. If not, someone else will. I'm sure they're doing the same thing. I find that we all have problems with change and holding on to the helm of that persons garment is always the problem. We may care about them dearly, but we can't worry about if they're OK with our own actions. Think about it, if you did that, you would never be happy. So again, I say, let the past go. It's never the wrong time for the right person. You inspired me to write this and get to where I am today. Thanks. GLC

New Years

I was sitting down thinking about where I was last year for New Years.
I was on top of a roof in downtown Atlanta drinking a glass of wine waiting to build a new future. LOL. It looks like I'm going to be repeating the same New Years this year. What does the future hold. I'd rather much love to go into the New Years enjoying the present like in the past.

So High When I Fly

So I thought I would do something a little different today and write about some positivity. Why, no reason. We all need some good in our lives.

I can remember loading the plane. Feeling so free, so in love. If it was only for this one moment, I was happy. I knew I loved this boy, I was just afraid to show him. So there we were, in the back of the plane, hand and hand. We could see everyone, but the way I felt, you would have thought we were the only ones on the plane. We put on our headsets, pulled out our books, (maybe a snack or two) and relaxed on our way to paradise. For all I could care, we could have been grounded or on a first class trip to hell. I still would have been flying high from this feeling of love. I cant remember if my head was on him or if his was on me. Maybe our heads were on each other. Hell, it didn't matter. All that mattered was that I was in that place with him at that very moment. Lord knows I wanted to just reach over and give him a passionate kiss and tell him how much I loved him. But I was afraid to be that open. If I could fly, I would fly everyday.

Things are never what they seem.

Things are never really what they seem. You think you know someone and then you find out who they really are. Its like there was smoke right in front of your eyes. Sometimes you buy an orange and get a tangerine if you don't know the small things to look for. Its the same with people, you have to watch out for the small things, because I'm sure they can and will turn into much larger things. If someone tells you something about someone, it never hearts to hear what they are saying. You don't have to listen, but at least hear what they are saying so if something pops up, you will have an open eye. Try not to be blind, but at the same time, learn how to work through what ever issues you may see arising. A closed mouth does not get feed. So the next time you run into that friend or relationship and you think you know them, approach the situation as if you have no idea or expectations. Things are never what they seem.

BTW, its a small world after all.

Where my insperation for my blogs come from.

I thought I would get a little personal today. There has been some questions about what or whom I'm referring to in my blogs. I thought it was time to reveal where my inspiration came from for each blog so here goes.

I just want it to be over.
This blog was inspired by Keisha Cole. There was a line in the song "Now it’s like December when you say that I’m so insecure and I gotta get away cause’ your making me weak It’s keeping me trapped" I feel this way because I am still dealing with my last relationship and I would just love for me to stop dealing with it. All the confusion, talking, everything that is not good about it.

What you want do
This poem was inspired by my actions for my friends and families and also by a visit to one of my friends house that lives with an ex. I find that I will be quick to answer my phone late at night and make sure that my friends make it to their destination or what ever the case may be, but If i was to call them, they wouldn't even answer the phone. I was over my friends house, and I noticed that she still wanted her ex to do all the same things she used to do. I once had this conversation with my ex around valentines day last year.

Try try again,
Now this poem is all about my previous relationship. Nothing more to say.

Would you date someone who stayed with an ex?
This is a good one. This came up at work. We were talking bout how its hard to date if you stay with your ex. I can remember trying to hook two friends up, but it didn't last because they stayed with their ex.

Helpful Quotes from my exs.
This was inspired by one of my ex. They always give me great advice and that's why we are friends to this day.

Better day.
This was inspired by some inspiring words my little brother said to me when I was going through a hard time. "If its unhealthy for you, then get it out of your life or change it" Thanks G.

I'm wearing a 3X
Came from a co worker pointing out that my outfit looked like something my ex would were. I guess they did rub off on me. After all they bought it.

I finally found you.
That's how I wont to feel about the next person I date.

Famous Text,
This on needs no explanation

Forgiveness
This is about my processes of forgiveness.

Yesterday,
This was inspired by me realizing that I'm living in a circle instead of a spiral or line.

I just want it to be over.

Baby I remember a time when we were so secure
but Now it’s like December when you say that I’m so insecure
and I gotta get away cause’ your making me weak It’s keeping me trapped
I gotta be a fool sitting here tryna get that old thing back
You use to keep your word was one who always did what you said
You use to speak to me so sweet with something caring to say
Oh, you don’t even try no more
Oh, you don’t even care no more
I don't wanna love you
don’t wanna need you
just wanna leave you
I swear I just want it to be over

It’s like I hate to love ya a charade we play time after time
It's like ya love to see me confused and a mess I’m losing my mind
I gotta get away cause’ your making me weak It’s keeping me trapped
I gotta be a fool sitting here tryna get that old thing back
You use to keep your word was one who always did what you said
You use to speak to me so sweet with something caring to say
Oh, you don’t even try no more
Oh, why you don’t care no more
I don't wanna love you don’t wanna need you just wanna leave you
I just want it to be over