It Kills me.

Oh yaahh ive got trouble with my friends
Trouble in my life
Problems when you don’t come home at night
But when you do you always start a fight
But I cant be alone , I need you to come on home
I know you messin around, but who the hell else is gonna hold me down
Ooooh I gotta be out my mind to think it’s gonna work this time
A part of me wants to leave, but the other side still believes
And it kills me to know how much I really love you
So much I wanna ooh hoo ohh to you hoo hoo
Should I grab his cell, call this chick up
Start some shhhh then hang up
Or I should I be a lady
Oohh maybe cuz I wanna have his babies
Ohh yah yahh cuz I don’t wanna be alone
I dont need to be on my own
But I love this man
But some things I cant stand ohhhh
Ive gotta be out my mind To think its gonna work this time
A part of me wants to leave but the other half still believes
and it kills mee to know how much I really love you
So much I wanna oohh hoo ohhh, to you hoo hooo

Creative Creation

Sometimes it takes a drastic event and prayer to get you to where you not only want to be, but deserve to be. Think about that.

I wanted to thank God for putting me in the mindset do some of the things that I love to do. I've recently been blessed with the opportunity to work on some things that will allow me to be creative. For those who are a part of my most current projects, that I so can't wait to release on the world, I look forward to working with you and exploring this journey. I've always had all the tools around me to be creative. I have friends that can sing, right, act, photographers, painters, lyricist, engineers, web designers, musicians, pastors, and the list goes on. These are things that I all love and I dabble in a little of each. No I can't play all the instruments that I would love to, or cut the fiercest dance move for that matter anymore, but I can get a point across pretty quickly. This past Thursday, I had a wine, dessert, and spoken word night. It was really good. Like I said, I have some pretty talented friends and I hear some interesting pieces. The night motivated me to do more artistic things within my circle. Thanks J for allowing me be help with your project. Although it may appear that I am helping you, you really are helping me. Just don't let me get out of control and turn it into my project. LOL. I tend to be a lil pushy, especially in the studio, ask Tiff and Van. NT wayz. Time to let the pen hit the paper, adjust the lights as they flash, put the paint on the canvas, and let my voice be heard (through others of course). I have so much to do and so little time to do it in. Anyone willing to be the back up for the planning of my 30th? Huh?

Feelings

I’m emotional, you’re emotional,
Could be why we always argue our…
Conversations short, we cant open up,
It’s just become much too difficult,
I don’t know what to do, don’t know what to prove.
This is more than me, so much more than you.
Can we make it through? You and I.
I can’t decide.I just can’t decide, if it’s you I want,
Don’t wanna choose between,Having you in my life,
Or loosing you for real. Hook:Because I caught feelings.

Are we falling in love with our fears?
I caught feelings.
‘Cause we’re acting like we’re really here, we’re not really here.
I Caught feelings.
I’m not afraid of the pain.

I’m a stubborn boy, you’re a stubborn guy,
Could be why we fight all the time.
If it’s not your way, then it must be mine.
Can’t communicate, can’t even compromise.
I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to prove.
This is more than me, so much more than you.
Can we make it through?You and I,
I can’t decide I just can’t decide,If it’s you I trust,
Don’t wanna choose between,Having you in my life,Or telling you goodbye.

Because I caught feelings.I know how you feel.
I caught feelings.It’s almost unreal.
Because I caught feelings
You’re short of breath.It’s like you’ve been wounded

I must look like an enemy to you.It’s cool.
We have to die a little bit you know.
We’re so dramatic. Romantic.
I love experiencing you.The ups and the downs.

I just can’t pretend, that you’re just a friend,
We took it further.Passion still remains.
So here we are again,

Because we caught feelings.
I feel you because we caught feelings.
I’m connected to you because I caught feelings.
So what do you wanna do? Because we caught feelings.
What do you wanna do? We can help each other.
I can’t even believe we’re here, after all we’ve been through.

And the beat goes on.

OK, I don’t have a direct subject to talk about today, so I think I’ll just ramble and give you a little bit about me. So much for give you all these context clues and stories. Let me start by saying I have been single for over a year now and I have been getting back into the swing of dating. I found someone that I really like and can admit that, which is something extremely hard for me to do. They are a cool person but we’ll just have to wait and see how things play out. I love my new place, it is so relaxing. Besides the dog’s death, it has been nothing but good times. And just to think, I almost didn’t move in because of a situation. I can’t say that my thoughts don’t go back to the situation possibly happening again, I just pray that it does not reach home. I’m still doing the same old job and can’t wait for a new position or job all together. I’ve been cooking more and now I entertain, a little too much. I could not do this in the old hood place. Me and my ex never officially made up, but I did invite him to my birthday and he came, and he did pay for my meal when I went to eat at his restaurant. I don’t know why I always feel that I have to be friends with people I have been close to. This is true all except for one person, (THE FACE). This is all for now. TTYL.

What about you? huh?

I was listening to a song that I wrote as I sat at my desk and one line stood out in the song, "Don't talk about my business if you can't handle yours." Why do people do that so much. They will talk about how broke someone is when they are still living at home with their parents or talking about someones car when they are catching the bus. What is that all about. I try my best not to talk about people. Sometimes I can be very opinionated, but I will not down one to try to make me look better. I have associates, not friends, that believe if you drive a 3 series then you are not doing what you should be doing and they will talk about you. Well, I have a jeep Cherokee and a honda, so I can only imagine what they say about me. I remember when one of these people were stranded in another city and I had to give them a ride back. Funny thing is, they still talked about the fact that they had to ride in a Cherokee. They later had to down grade to a less than 1996 honda accord and later got that 3 series that they so call did not approve of. Don't talk about my business if you can't handle yours.

"Is that real enough for you"

In the great words of Duck, AKA CYREK, "Is that real enough for you"

I said a lot, but you have yet to understand a word that I have said.
You seem to only be conserned with the thoughts that are in your head,
My actions are softly displayed when I'm trying to address you,
but it's time I take another rout, is that real enough for you.
You came into my room and we started to kiss,
But not only did your lips touch my lips,
Your lips touched mine and my lips were fine,
but when my lips touched yours, you lips left something behind.
I pulled away for you lips had a dreadful taste,
So I worked my way back up to let my lips massage your waist.
You tried to get at me, but I resisted and instead we went to sleep,
As we held each other, I thought to myself, what a task incomplete.
The next day was brand new as you left by bed,
but much to my surprise, later you denied giving me head.
So you try to down play what happen as if it never existed,
So I tell all the news about your bad lips I was never kissin,
A smell so bad, a touch so unclean, a mess if you ask me Cause that's how it seemed
A Job well done, I think not boo, so I only have one thing left to say. Is that real enough for you"

"Close Your Legs to Married Men"

So a friend made the statement "close your legs to married men" to me today, which is from the Real Housewives of Atlanta. (Here is a clip http://www.bravotv.com/watch-what-happens-live/videos/the-phone-call-kim-confronts-nene) I thought this was the funniest thing in the world. It was funny to me because I have never slept with someone that was married, but I have slept with someone whom one of my friends used to talk to. (I'd like to say I'm sorry to that person, you know who you are and we have already talked about that). Just because the person is no longer talking to your friend, does that make it right? I don't think so. It would make it worst if one slept with a friends boyfriend. I have a lot more to say.