Yesterday.

Today is a new day and yesterday already came,
But the thoughts that linger on still are from yesterday and remain the same.
Things that mattered once, should matter no more,
Its time to start a new chapter, time to open new doors,
I've thought about yesterday, and maybe even times before that,
In the mist of thinking about yesterday, I wonder where today is at.
I'm still trying to find you today, but cant because yesterday still holds on.
If I know that I'm having a promblem with yesterday, then why is today still wrong.
I'm a repeated offender you'll find what I did today also in yesterday's news.
So where are you today, because its time for me to forget yesterdsay's blues.
So now that is all said and done, I only have one thing left to say,
Its been tough and hard, So Fuck you yesterday.

Things have got to change.

So tonight was a great night. We have our first black president. But that's not what I want to write about tonight. Tonight was a night of change for me, or so I think. I went to an election party and it was fairly nice I must say. Thanks for the invite, Princess. So after that I came home because I was tired and slightly buzzed. After sitting in the house for a while and ironing my work clothes for work, I decided to get the hell out the emotional house. Just the atomphere itself is so unbarable sometimes. So after talking to Cal, he said to come to his place and it wasn't to far from a club where DJ Cedrick was to be playing. I thought this could be fun and give me an opportunity to release some stress. I went by the club to see how things were and then punched on to Cal's. Once I was there we talked about my inability to let go, trust, and love. Talk well needed. I need to learn how to relax, relate, and release. I also had a visitor from a little friend that is never welcome. He normally likes to visit at night with his embarrassing ass. I hate the hell out of him and wish he didn't exist. Luckily, Cal knew about him and knew exactly what to do to make him go away, or at least stop being so damn annoying. Its amazing how friends can handle something and you never told them the proper way to handle it. So after getting him out the way, I decided to go home and call it a night because he can be so embarrassing and I hate for people to meet him. I'm saying all this to say, Thanks. I realize that I have got to take charge of my life in more than one way. I wish it was that easy to say, the buck stops here. A change has got to come. A breath of fresh air has got to come. I have to come to reality of what things are. At the same time, I have to make things the way I want them to be. So today, I'll try to start with me. I just wish I could do it without being so emotionally drain with yesterdays issues.

Love...

So I just can't seem to stop blogging. Today I was reading some things today. I have to say, when you're dumb, you're dumb. Love is such a good feeling and I can say that there's nothing better in life. I'm still growing and I think I will continue to grow. All I can say is Thank you and I love you.

My One and Only

Love

You're a Legend.

Where did my baby go, I wish that he would get back soon. Maybe that way you could give me the Green Light and we could go ahead with this thing. I would love to just be able to say Good morning love. So If you're out there, I hope that you're reading this. Because This time, its going to be Satisfaction. I can say that I want to Cross the line so that Everyone knows. I know that I love you love and that the is no other love. So let thise love Take me away and Lets get Lifted. This is not something that I want to begin or end Quickly, so I have to react Quickly. I don't ever want to hear the words, It's Over. I want so bad for it to be Heavan. Hopefully, you'll Save Room for my love. Because I want to do it all Again. I mean lets Slow Dance, I won't be ashamed of the P.D.A. We can listen to the Radio while Each day gets better. You were once my Maxine, and you dont have to Show Me anything because you're so much more. So let us have Another Again. So I'm still back at the beginning of where I started because I still want to know, Where did my baby go, I wish that he would get back soon. I guess Heavan only Knows.

Too much glamour and glitz.

Hey you, whats up with that shit,
Walking around here with too much glamour and glitz.
Yeah I see those Gucci shoes and those glasses from Dior,
And I also seen that eviction notices that was posted on your door.
You happily smile because when people talk about you, they call you a name brand bitch,
But at the same time get disappointed because we all know you stunted that shit.
Credit card, not yours, or at least you don't have a matching ID.
I would get exhausted if I had to try to remember who I am monthly.
They said you are a writer and that you're one of the best,
You're no Terry McMillan, E. Lynn Harris, because the books your write in involves checks.
So I only have one question for you, whats up with that shit,
Why must you be try so hard to display so much glamour and glitz?

I just can't....

So I didn't notice this until yesterday. I haven't been eating lately. Yesterday when I cooked for my family, had a couple of bits and that was it for me. That was the only thing I ate yesterday. This morning, when I got home. I decided to cook me some chicken and waffles for break fast. I have taken two bites of each and I'm done. What the hell is wrong with me. I also haven't been getting any sleep. Although I've been doing a lot of resting, I haven't been doing much sleeping. So I was talking to my mom about me breaking out and I thought it was all because of the dairy products that I'm allergic too. My mom was like, yeah, but its stress too. She was like, you have never broke out this bad. In a way, i don't feel like I'm stressed because I'm not letting life get me down and I'm not really concentrating on it. But I guess when you concentrate on trying to be so happy, its the same as worrying about the bad things. Can somebody bring over a bucket of Ice cream, a 20piece, some triple stackers, and a diet coke so I cant get my life together?

Weekend of Thinking.

This weekend, I had my house all to myself. You would have thought that I would have got some rest or enjoyed the hell out of my weekend. I can say the only thing I did different was go to my moms this weekend. I constantly find myself sitting at home, eating, and picking up a bottle. LOL. What is that all about? So Saturday, I decided to call my mom and go home. I put the dog in my car, got some gas, and headed up north. Once I got there, no one was around. I walked into the house and it was dead silence. I went to my aunts and it was scarce too. Finally, I went to my sisters and it was full of excitement. I have three little nephews who are loud and full of energy. I sat down and ate with my dad, whom I haven't seen in months. After that, I went to the store and decided to go home and cook. By the time I finished cooking my grandmother, aunt, mom, and sisters all showed up. I realized that I don't have to be lonely anymore. Although I'm going to hate driving 45 minutes to work everyday, I'm looking forward to getting to know me and my background again. I guess once a foundation has been broken or destroyed, its good to start over from the roots. Sometimes we get too engulfed in this life style. What do I mean by that. Well, I'm only going to speak for myself right after I give this harsh example. Ever meet someone thats all about going to the club, being online, hanging with their friends, sex, drinking, partying, etc.... Thats not me completely. I think once I started experiencing new things, that becomes my life. For instance, I can say that 98% of the people I talk to are males and live the same life that I live. I barely go to the clubs but I don't go to the straight clubs at all. I don't visit my family often. Everything that I do and almost everthing that I talk about has to do with the life. On my birthday, the only straight people that were there was my sister, her boyfriend, and one other gurl. I've got to do better. I end with this for myself Phillings, what ever happened to church? You pray and you go into DEEP prayer, but what happened to the rock.