Changing Colors

So I have to say, things have been changing changing and changing. I have to say, it's like I've been waiting on a bigger change that any that have happened. I have lost love, lost friends, lost incoome, lost drive, and the list goes on. I'm not sure where I'm going to be but I'm waiting. I need to stop waiting and try to take some action. Just because I'm going to grad school does not me that my future is going to be bright. Lord knows college didn't do much for me or I didn't do much with my college degree. I'm still like a child trying to figure this all out. I think I understand the whole love thing know. Friendship has recently become confusing and questionable for me. I love my friends to death and I feel like certain friends are going to be there for a life time while others will go and grow in their own direction. Where is the drive I had as a young man, that fire that was under me, the gentle harshness that I was so used to presenting, and that guy that everyone seemed to love.

I just can't get over it.

Ok, I hate to say it, but I still can't get over the past. What happens when you've had something so good, that you feel like you will never find it again. Thats how I feel. I feel like the standards have been set so high that no one will ever met them. With that being said, is it fair for me to settle? Will I ever find happiness? Is this lifestyle so tainted that no one is willing to give their all. I have to say there has been times where I was not will to give my all; reason's being, I was scared, didn't want to get hurt, wasn't sure about a future with the other person, had some personal issues going on, etc. I know, sounds like excuses. I'm over that stage. I know what I'm looking for, but I have yet to find it again. One day. I think the biggest problems with relationships is there is too much outside interference. Whether it be a past relationship, blocked emotions, friends, sexy other people, the club, etc. I don't want to deal with any of that. So Mr. Right, no Mr. Right now, if you're out there, holla at me. 404-777-9311

Exploration XXX

Ok, so I was watching a movie today at work and it made me think of My first Time. The name of the movie is, "The Art of Being Straight". So I just want to write about how exciting and scary it was to have my first interaction with another male. It was when I was in college. (Not a suprise huh?) It was the spring semester of my sophmore year when I met him. It was in American History. I couldn't help but to look at them everyday. I notice their sleek way of dressing, curls in their hair, and boyish charm. LOL, this is all so funny to me that I can write about this stuff now. It was one day in class that I couldn't help but to keep looking back at him. I looked at least 3 times. finally he looked behind him when he caught me looking to see what I was looking at. When he saw that there was nothing behind him worth looking back, he gave me a slight smile after catching me again. (What was I thinking) After class was over, he walked by my desk, put his hand on my shoulder and gave a slight squeeze and said, "you have a good one", all while giving the same smile he had just given me earlier. We began to converse more and then one day he asked me if we could study together and of course I agree. We had a big test coming up the follow week so we made plans to study on that coming Friday. Who studies on a friday. When I got over to his house, he had a guest over playing a game system. I won't tell which one because it will tell my age. (Lets just say its legendary) When I got over there, he tried his best to get his friend to leave. At this particular point, I knew the dude got down. He had a friend over who obviously was gay, cheerleader for that matter, and he triend his best to be alone. After the friend left, he asked me if I wanted to watcha movie. We watched movies and talked until about 1 am. When I left, he gave me a huge hug. One for too long, but not too long. The next day he invited me over to study again, except this time I didn't bring any books. It was late when I got over there. We began to play game and talk. He asked me if I ever had a threesome, and I hadn't, hell I was a virgin. After we talked for a little while, he stated that he was going to go watch TV in his room and I could come if I like and I followed. Once we got in the bedroom, we both laid across the bed and began to talk. He began to pull the hairs off my arm while we were talking. I told him to stop and he wouldn't. I've never been a physical person so I didn't really do anything back. Since he didn't stop, I started pulling his hair off his arms. He said I that I probably like it, I didn't admit it, but I did like being touched by another man. Since I didn't stop, he grabbed my arm, pulled me in closer, and that's when I had my first kiss with another male. I stayed over pretty late kissing and touching. It was a feeling like none other. I wish I could get that feeling all over again. Lets just say, later down the line, it lead to us spending the night together, although straight roomies were involved. We never were in a relationship, but we took care of each other.

It Kills me.

Oh yaahh ive got trouble with my friends
Trouble in my life
Problems when you don’t come home at night
But when you do you always start a fight
But I cant be alone , I need you to come on home
I know you messin around, but who the hell else is gonna hold me down
Ooooh I gotta be out my mind to think it’s gonna work this time
A part of me wants to leave, but the other side still believes
And it kills me to know how much I really love you
So much I wanna ooh hoo ohh to you hoo hoo
Should I grab his cell, call this chick up
Start some shhhh then hang up
Or I should I be a lady
Oohh maybe cuz I wanna have his babies
Ohh yah yahh cuz I don’t wanna be alone
I dont need to be on my own
But I love this man
But some things I cant stand ohhhh
Ive gotta be out my mind To think its gonna work this time
A part of me wants to leave but the other half still believes
and it kills mee to know how much I really love you
So much I wanna oohh hoo ohhh, to you hoo hooo

Creative Creation

Sometimes it takes a drastic event and prayer to get you to where you not only want to be, but deserve to be. Think about that.

I wanted to thank God for putting me in the mindset do some of the things that I love to do. I've recently been blessed with the opportunity to work on some things that will allow me to be creative. For those who are a part of my most current projects, that I so can't wait to release on the world, I look forward to working with you and exploring this journey. I've always had all the tools around me to be creative. I have friends that can sing, right, act, photographers, painters, lyricist, engineers, web designers, musicians, pastors, and the list goes on. These are things that I all love and I dabble in a little of each. No I can't play all the instruments that I would love to, or cut the fiercest dance move for that matter anymore, but I can get a point across pretty quickly. This past Thursday, I had a wine, dessert, and spoken word night. It was really good. Like I said, I have some pretty talented friends and I hear some interesting pieces. The night motivated me to do more artistic things within my circle. Thanks J for allowing me be help with your project. Although it may appear that I am helping you, you really are helping me. Just don't let me get out of control and turn it into my project. LOL. I tend to be a lil pushy, especially in the studio, ask Tiff and Van. NT wayz. Time to let the pen hit the paper, adjust the lights as they flash, put the paint on the canvas, and let my voice be heard (through others of course). I have so much to do and so little time to do it in. Anyone willing to be the back up for the planning of my 30th? Huh?

Feelings

I’m emotional, you’re emotional,
Could be why we always argue our…
Conversations short, we cant open up,
It’s just become much too difficult,
I don’t know what to do, don’t know what to prove.
This is more than me, so much more than you.
Can we make it through? You and I.
I can’t decide.I just can’t decide, if it’s you I want,
Don’t wanna choose between,Having you in my life,
Or loosing you for real. Hook:Because I caught feelings.

Are we falling in love with our fears?
I caught feelings.
‘Cause we’re acting like we’re really here, we’re not really here.
I Caught feelings.
I’m not afraid of the pain.

I’m a stubborn boy, you’re a stubborn guy,
Could be why we fight all the time.
If it’s not your way, then it must be mine.
Can’t communicate, can’t even compromise.
I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to prove.
This is more than me, so much more than you.
Can we make it through?You and I,
I can’t decide I just can’t decide,If it’s you I trust,
Don’t wanna choose between,Having you in my life,Or telling you goodbye.

Because I caught feelings.I know how you feel.
I caught feelings.It’s almost unreal.
Because I caught feelings
You’re short of breath.It’s like you’ve been wounded

I must look like an enemy to you.It’s cool.
We have to die a little bit you know.
We’re so dramatic. Romantic.
I love experiencing you.The ups and the downs.

I just can’t pretend, that you’re just a friend,
We took it further.Passion still remains.
So here we are again,

Because we caught feelings.
I feel you because we caught feelings.
I’m connected to you because I caught feelings.
So what do you wanna do? Because we caught feelings.
What do you wanna do? We can help each other.
I can’t even believe we’re here, after all we’ve been through.

And the beat goes on.

OK, I don’t have a direct subject to talk about today, so I think I’ll just ramble and give you a little bit about me. So much for give you all these context clues and stories. Let me start by saying I have been single for over a year now and I have been getting back into the swing of dating. I found someone that I really like and can admit that, which is something extremely hard for me to do. They are a cool person but we’ll just have to wait and see how things play out. I love my new place, it is so relaxing. Besides the dog’s death, it has been nothing but good times. And just to think, I almost didn’t move in because of a situation. I can’t say that my thoughts don’t go back to the situation possibly happening again, I just pray that it does not reach home. I’m still doing the same old job and can’t wait for a new position or job all together. I’ve been cooking more and now I entertain, a little too much. I could not do this in the old hood place. Me and my ex never officially made up, but I did invite him to my birthday and he came, and he did pay for my meal when I went to eat at his restaurant. I don’t know why I always feel that I have to be friends with people I have been close to. This is true all except for one person, (THE FACE). This is all for now. TTYL.

What about you? huh?

I was listening to a song that I wrote as I sat at my desk and one line stood out in the song, "Don't talk about my business if you can't handle yours." Why do people do that so much. They will talk about how broke someone is when they are still living at home with their parents or talking about someones car when they are catching the bus. What is that all about. I try my best not to talk about people. Sometimes I can be very opinionated, but I will not down one to try to make me look better. I have associates, not friends, that believe if you drive a 3 series then you are not doing what you should be doing and they will talk about you. Well, I have a jeep Cherokee and a honda, so I can only imagine what they say about me. I remember when one of these people were stranded in another city and I had to give them a ride back. Funny thing is, they still talked about the fact that they had to ride in a Cherokee. They later had to down grade to a less than 1996 honda accord and later got that 3 series that they so call did not approve of. Don't talk about my business if you can't handle yours.

"Is that real enough for you"

In the great words of Duck, AKA CYREK, "Is that real enough for you"

I said a lot, but you have yet to understand a word that I have said.
You seem to only be conserned with the thoughts that are in your head,
My actions are softly displayed when I'm trying to address you,
but it's time I take another rout, is that real enough for you.
You came into my room and we started to kiss,
But not only did your lips touch my lips,
Your lips touched mine and my lips were fine,
but when my lips touched yours, you lips left something behind.
I pulled away for you lips had a dreadful taste,
So I worked my way back up to let my lips massage your waist.
You tried to get at me, but I resisted and instead we went to sleep,
As we held each other, I thought to myself, what a task incomplete.
The next day was brand new as you left by bed,
but much to my surprise, later you denied giving me head.
So you try to down play what happen as if it never existed,
So I tell all the news about your bad lips I was never kissin,
A smell so bad, a touch so unclean, a mess if you ask me Cause that's how it seemed
A Job well done, I think not boo, so I only have one thing left to say. Is that real enough for you"

"Close Your Legs to Married Men"

So a friend made the statement "close your legs to married men" to me today, which is from the Real Housewives of Atlanta. (Here is a clip http://www.bravotv.com/watch-what-happens-live/videos/the-phone-call-kim-confronts-nene) I thought this was the funniest thing in the world. It was funny to me because I have never slept with someone that was married, but I have slept with someone whom one of my friends used to talk to. (I'd like to say I'm sorry to that person, you know who you are and we have already talked about that). Just because the person is no longer talking to your friend, does that make it right? I don't think so. It would make it worst if one slept with a friends boyfriend. I have a lot more to say.

The get along Gang

Hard core Friends

It takes a lot to be in my crew. You have to have an outgoing personality, can’t let people run over you, must not be a follower, speak your mind, be able to take harsh comments, and keep it real enough for everyone. I mean think about it, how can you take all the harsh reading that goes on within my crew if you are super sensitive. At any point, you might get called, ugly, be told that you can’t get nor keep a man, that you have a degree but your job wouldn’t show it, that you’re a slut, that you’re chasing after a man, you’re fat, you’re rude, your too gay, you don’t know who you are, you’re old, you’re young and just don’t get it, etc. I think you get the point. Gays constantly judge each other and if you can’t take it, you might need to get out the kitchen. I say all this when I really feel that we knock each other down sometimes instead of building each other up. Although we do this, I know that my friends will be there when I really need them too. Where did all of the feelings go? LOL. Read honey; tell her, she just read you down. Is that all real enough for you? In reality, I think not.

Signing out,


The get along gang.

Perfect Date

I was sitting here thinking about what would be a perfect date for us. All I want is you.

If we're just laying in the bed together holding each other, nothing could be more perfect than that. As long as I'm with you, it will be perfect no matter where we're at.
At church in the pew, prasing him next to you,
Its perfect in my mind, because there's nother we couldn't do.
I only have one thing to say, when you're gone, I'm mising you.

Mother knows best.

I was talking to my mom the other day about all the changes and events that have been happening in my life. As usual, my mom asked me how my ex was doing. Surprisingly I had an answer for her. I told her that he was doing fine and that he had stopped through the other day while I was sick. She asked me how that made me feel and we talked about that for a while. She said, "you know I really wish you two would get back together". I asked her why and she stated, "sometimes you need a break from the things you love to see what it really is". I agreed and she continued explaining how she never seen me so happy like that and how I just had it all together during that time. She also explained how she thought of him as a son and always will. Of course I love my ex and will never be able to have the same type of connection with anyone else that I had or have with him, but I had to explain to her that it has to be a feeling that both parties feel and if that's not possible, there is no use of going forward with something that's already a defeat. All that's in my mind though is the best things in life are worth working and fighting for.

What a Grand Entrance.

Ok, so I was sitting at work and got an email from a coworker. It was a reply to one of those emails I sent out to tell them to look at the new Tranny, Nadia, that's going to be in the Tyler Perry Movie. She's the business by the way. (Not that I'm into Trannies). They Replied like they knew her, but when I asked them if they did, they were like "No, but you know I know people in high places and I'm sure I'll know her soon" Why must these Gays tried to be so much Grander than they really are. I think that's why you see gays with lavish houses/cars; they are so competitive. If you ever hear them talking about having or throwing something, you can be sure that they will compare it to someone or something else to belittle it. Jewelery, over the top, clothes, name brand and stylish, face, done for the gods, Car, Lexus, Mercedes, BMW, something luxurious or sporty, Dog, dressed for the gods as well. And they have the nerve to ask why there are no boys out there. It's hard to be a boy when you have to try to keep up with the life style of these futuristic gays. They are sure to make a Grand Entrance.

I remember.....

Yesterday I was a little under the weather. I remembered though. I remembered how the simple things can be the best things in the world. They always have been. What am I talking about. I'm talking about the simple things in a relationship. Laying in the bed and watching TV, having breakfast, cooking together, taking care of one while they are sick, a simple call to see how the other person is, a feeling that will make you're entire day change. I remember and always will....

Sand at the Beach.

This has been on my mind for about 4 weeks. Bringing sand to the beach or not being happy with your sand. I realize that relationships in Atlanta are hard. My weekly wine night with my friends has brought up some interesting topics. There is an overflow of gays in Atlanta, and it makes it that easy to move from one relationship to the next. Too many people know each other in Atlanta and lord knows these circle of friends are something else. I'm not one to talk. I have people in my life that I have dated before and made friends, but never dated two people in the same circle. We talked about if it was OK to date someone your friends have talked to. I personally don't do that. (well there was that 1 time) I'm really am getting off the subject. I went to a pool party yesterday and realized just what Beyonce said, their ain't nothing out there. People are always searching for the next best thing. They can bring sand to the beach and still find that sand that sparkles a little more. It's all because we are way over stocked in gays. It was a nice pool party though. Is there any quality out there. Low stock= high in demand, high stock=cheap played out, no quality and easily accessible.

You.....

YOU

See, I was lookin' for a love to call mine, but instead I found you

And it was just a true waste of my time and lovin' we mess up, but how come with you?

Sometimes I flip and ask myself why it had to be you

But then I get a grip, it was all a lie and love was so precious until I met you

I don't know why, I saw a price in you,

Every night I close my eyes, oh it's alright, I lose my sight of you

Someone is bound to come along and do time and do better than you

And I won't be left alone, he'll love me for life and surely not careless, selfish like you

How the strength in me has grown and I realize I don't need you

Disrespect you've shown, you can run and hide But all of what happened will come back to you

I don't know why I saw a price in you,

Every night I close my eyes, oh it's alright, I lose my sight of you

Oh, I'm movin on, gonna makin a new start,

I've lived a life and surely it won't be with you

I don't know why I saw a price in you,

Every night I close my eyes, oh it's alright, I lose my sight of you

TRUST and believe.....

My blogs are taking a turn. They're not so creative anymore, but more so my thoughts. So lets talk about trust and believe. I knew for a long time that I have trust issues. Why is it when you decided to trust someone and go against your instinct you always get let down. I have to think about the people I trust in my life. When I think about it, there has really only been a few people that I have 100% trusted. Thanks Grandma, Marcus, Dad, Greg, and Chris. You've never let me down, even when the truth hurts. I know, its sad that my moms name is not on this list. So no one has every really seen the old me accept for my family. I'm trying so hard not to convert back to the mean, I don't give a fuck, fuck you and the world you live in, type of attitude that I had when I was a lot younger. I prayed for it to go away and it did. Praise God. Most recently, I have let things take me their again and only because I had faith in people and situations. My faith belongs with God and I BELIEVE, he can get me through anything. Talking about someone you can trust. This is the one time I have never questioned people leaving my life and also at the same time, let me get close to me that I normally wouldn't . What is going on with me. Most recent events make me want to put up a guard, but I know that's not they direction God is taking me in. I believe that God will put that person that I can trust in my life. So I Trust and Believe. I think its time for my prophecy to begin. I don't know what took me so long to accept my destiny.

I like big thangs......

OK,

I never do this, but I thought I would ramble about some of my thoughts. And yes, this is one of the blogs that's totally about me. I LOVE THICK DUDES. I was walking into work today and happen to pass this dude that was outside on the phone. He was not big, but he was a pretty good size. I thought he was fairly attractive, and I didn't even get to see his face. When I was at work the other day, I couldn't take this eyes off all the heaver set guys. Now don't get me wrong, I like nice size boys, but not fat boys. My ex is a pretty good size and I have to say, that probably the one person out of my 2 1/2 relationships that I've been in that I was most sexually attracted to. Yes, I said 1/2 because that was some half ass shit they did, or shall I say didn't do. I promised myself I would let that go but things just keep on appearing. But small and/or tall people are not the most attractive people to me. For all you thick Sexy MF that are out there. My number is 777-9311. I love me some thick boys.

I Need You

If I had you back in my worldI would prove that I could be a better boy
If you let me back in I would sho’nuff never never let you go again
I was so foolish to ever leave your side, Searching for what was right before my eyes
It was me who didnt realize’till it was gone but now I know I need you in my life
Boy I need you bad as my heartbeat,
Baby there’s nothing I wouldn’t do To get back what we had when love was true
No lie I’d give up all I got Just so I could get back in my spot
I need you bad, Since you've been gone, everything's been wrong.
My1nonly

A change gone come.

So a lot has changed with me lately. I miss a lot that I used to have, and I'm done with some new ventures and friends from the past. It's not a bad thing, but its definantly time. A change has come. I can honestly say that no matter how many changes I have gone through, my brother has been there through thick and thin. He's truly my heart. (tear drops) One thing that I have always done is believe in keeping people from my past in my life. That has now changed. Sometimes you need to remove some things to advance yourself. I know know that. I may not be releasing everyone from my past, but my relationship changes with them are a breath of fresh air. I must say that I love you with all my hear, and I want you to be a part of my life more than you can imagine. I have yet to let go of so much that I hold on to and I think about all the time. I wish I could have the relationship with you that I so long for. So I have to learn how to deal with you on whatever level I can. Love is such a fucked up thing. Why do we always love the things that we can't have? Or maybe I haven't changed as much I I should hae.

Absolutely Not

Absolutely Not.

You thought I would be weak.
You thought I would be one of those lil boys you could just treat anyway and you’d be the only one I’d seek.
Absolutely not.
You thought that you could play mind games,
You thought that you could get upset and do what you do, come back and things would be the same.
Absolutely not.
You thought I was too nice to have my own voice,
And when you put up an ultimatum, you thought that I would make the right choice.
For you that is, Absolutely not.
Please know that It’s not always about you, because I’m grown enough to live for me,
I rather be by myself than to have a lack of communication that would prevent my mind from being free.
So you see, I’m not some fool that’s will to chase after you or anything that you got,
You thought I would always hold on to you, absolutely not.

And I knew I had to do something.

I have found that I am one to be quick at the mouth and that I don't hold much back. Do I think that this is a bad quality, hell naw. I knew I had to do something. My friends often say I tell too much. Dang gommit work. TBC......

Scared

I don't know where to start, so I guess I'll start with speaking from my heart.

When I met you, I felt relieved. I felt like I found what was finally going to be it.
I started getting feeling that we all so familiar, but at the same time all so brand new.
I enjoyed spending my time with you and that seemed to be all I wanted to do.
Just to think, I had never paid anyone attention this fast.
I can remember the first time we stood talking for what seems like hours over drinks.
Picking each others minds wondering what each other thinks.
Then it came out. "You know, I had a crush on you" Sometimes the truth can set you free.
It was great to see that the feeling was mutual. It went from there and from then on I didn't care. I didn't care what others thought or what they would say. No outside interference. We spent several weeks just talking and getting to know each other. So now we have our own time and not each others. Things are different now, but I feel no different than I did months ago. So I'll just let life play out. I'm too scared to be in the pursuit of happiness.

Love me quickly

If I had twenty million dollars in a vault somewhere baby,
It wouldn’t matter anyway
Cause the doctor told me that I’m dying slowly
So I guess I got to love you while I’m here baby
Did you know
The news said the sky is falling, the globe is warming
My country warring, leaders are lying, time is running
Low and low baby No where to go
I know we just met but baby could u love me quickly, quickly
I… want you to love me like you know the world is about to end baby, quickly

You said you didn’t even know my name,
But told me we mind as well make ours the same
What do you think baby
Think it might as well be light years away,
We just better land on the stars before they come crashing down cause I heard the news say
the sky is falling, the globe is warming My country warring,
leaders are lying, time is running Low and low baby No where to go
I want you to love me like you know the world is about to end baby, quickly
Yea that’s right baby kiss me like the world is quacking
Do it like the earth is shaking
You got it baby, that’s right lovely Fill me like our time is sprinting faster running out of time
know we just met but baby could u love me quickly, quickly
I want you to love me like you know the world is about to end baby, quickly

I'm So Tired

Over the past 2 weeks I have had more deaths around me that I can bare. I always try to be the strong one and hold it together but its pretty hard. Its not only the old and sick that are dying, but also the young. I went on a trip this weekend with lots a great people. On the way back, I got a call that one of my friends had past the day before. I was in a car full of people so I tried to hold it together. I couldn't help but to cry to myself as tears rolled down my cheeks. Why so young? I know that they are going to a better place. It sounds bad, but I can't wait until I get out of the world of sin. Sometimes it can be hell here on earth. When I die, I ask that its a celebration, a celebration of me being ease and me going home. I want there to be a party, no said music. All this dying made me realize that I have to stop trying to hold on to so many things in life and take out the trash. Life is short, but there is no reason for me to have hell on this earth. A lot of people I love to death, but everyone is not for you and I am not for everyone. Another day another chapter. Some people are meant to be a chapter in a book, while some are meant to be a book in a series. I'm looking for those characters that will stand the test of time and be that person that I'm able to write about in every series, book, chapter, page, and even paragraph. A huge part of me is dying so that I can live and I'm finally excepting it. Death is truly something to celebrate because life gets better, so now I've drying my tears. Death is only the beginning of life.

Can you tell me.

When I think about all the guys I'm with all the time
Yes I like to please their bodies but I feel like it's a waste of time
Can you tell me what is wrong
I'm supposed to love the fact that I never gave a boy my heart
If I told him I did I lied and instead I tore his heart apart
Can you tell me how long because
Right now I just wanna be staring into your eyes
Right now I'm so lost but when I find you I'll be found
And I won't have to ask all these questions like can someone tell me where you are
What'll happen if i settle and just go along with what I have
Cause there's a difference between good and great And good wasn't built to last
Can you tell me is this all for me
What would it take to be In a love I know that's right for me
And I know that you don't even know me yet But I believe that one day I'll be, where you are

Death vs Life

It's amazing how the death of people in your family and in your circle can make you change your outlook on everything. A lot of death has been around me lately and I'm not so sure about my own life sometimes. I was really wondering what was going on with me last night as I sat in the bed and all of a sudden became depressed and started to cry. I didn't know what was in the happening at that moment, but today, I found out that the very person I was on the phone with explaining it to them had someone die. In the same week an aunt had passed and it has made me realize that life is no joke. I really should cherish those who are good in my life and watch out for those who hinder me from living, mostly myself. I pray for not only my family, but my friends and associates as well. Life is to short to let death kill us so we should live. You were my rock. I'll forever miss u EH, ATB, and PH.

I know you like to think your shit don't stank.

This blog applies to everyone, even me.

We constantly live our lives looking at what others do and never what we do. We can be doing the exact same thing and yet not realize that its wrong. Everyone's shit smells and I know you like to think your shit don't stank, but the reality is, it does. So when your pointing the finger at someone, turn it right back around to yourself and then smell it. Smells like shit huh? You thought I was cheating but you forgot about those that you tried to talk to while we were together. Smells like shit huh? You talked about how your best friend puts up with BS from their spouse, but you pay all the bills and let your spouse do absolutely nothing. Still smells like shit. Talked about so and so's phone being cut off and your car payments are behind, smells like shit huh? Talked about the text in my phone but you just so happen to delete them as so as you got the same text. Oh how the shit really smells. Talked about sister Patterson not coming to church while you go every Sunday right after you leave the club. Some shit is bigger than other shit but the fact remains the same. It all stank. So I know you like to think yo shit don't stank, but lean in a little closer and you'll see that it do.

2009 is all Mine.

I have to say this has been a great start for 2009. I brought in the new years with my good friends Cyrus and Chris. It was great, we rapped our way into the new years with a bottle of champagne and the new song called, "And I do". They only thing that was missing was my best friend Greg. I really wish you were there. We danced and drunk the night away. Unfortunately, I was the DD so I didn't get too drunk. To make up for it, they let me get drunk earlier that week and I truly got out of control and out of my element. LOL. "And I do" Right before the new years, I had a conversation with someone that I already knew and we talked about how we liked each other. I'm so happy that conversation was held. It's been great since then. The conversation is great, they're not afraid to open up and tell me things about them and their past. We've really connected like I never knew we could. There hasn't been a day that we haven't talked or seen each other for that matter. I guess this is the person I speak of in my blog, "You're a legend" I guess you were out there. I can say that I have opened up as well and its so easy with this person. No worries. I know it's early, but they seem to complement me and take nothing away from me. When you can just lay down and talk to someone all through the night about life, its the best experience ever. I'm so excited about the future. Miss u already.